Ex Vice President of Nigeria, Atiku Abubakar tells the story of how his son, Abba, broke the news of his intention to get married....I love the sense of humour in the write and decided to share with you. read on...
Sometime in
January, I was in London on business, and my children quickly arranged a
trip to the Emirates Stadium for me. It was to emerge later that it was
not a hastily arranged event, but a well planned outing, put together
by children of a businessman and politician.
It turned out
that my son, Abba, who was appointed to be my escort to the event, was
the primary reason why the event was set up in the first place. Abba had
a major announcement to make, and it was that while he was away from
home in America, he had found a lady he loved, and would love to bring
her home as wife. I thought that was great news. But on our way home,
Abba subtly mentioned that they would like to get married as soon as
possible,and that he and his fiancee would like a rather small wedding.
At that point, I began to realise why I had been taken to the match, and
smiled.
Parenting in
the age of democracy is not easy. In my time, I remember that even as a
strong willed child without a father figure, my mother, Kande, would put
her foot down whenever she needed something to be done, and no child
could argue with Kande when she had put her foot down. But in my time,
we had learned to allow our children have a say in decision making,
especially those which concerned them. It’s what I have termed
democratic parenting.
Education, for
example, is where my children tend to have a 70% say in where they
wanted to go. Some choose to study in Nigeria, and some went abroad. But
even when they went abroad, it was mostly to Europe. But Abba decided
he was going to America, and he came back with an intelligent, beautiful
American lady, whom I have already accepted as a daughter.
But Abba was
yet to reveal his hand. It was when we were discussing wedding
logistics, when he mentioned that his wife’s family wanted to hold the
wedding in Dubai! I could smell an ambush coming, and the Nigerian
parent in me was ready to argue.
“But Abba, you know I’m a Nigerian. We like doing these things at home…”
“But dad, you know the wife’s family decides these marriage things”
“I see. But does your wife agree to this?”
“My wife loves it! She is completely in love with the plans”
“Oh, I see…” At
that moment, I realised that my children had known I would prefer to
host the marriage in Nigeria and had come up with, and knowing that I
wouldn’t have a choice, since the wife’s family usually decides wedding
plans, found a way to ambush any resistance I could have raised. It was a
well executed plan, and I could see that there was no way I could
argue. Of course no man would want to argue with his new in-laws at the
first turn.
So I went back
and put together a counter strategy. The next morning, I called Abba and
told him I agree with the entire plan. We can hold a wedding in Dubai,
and I will attend with my family. I could see a smile of satisfaction
spread across his face, an unspoken “we’ve got the old man.” I played
along and discussed the plan with him in detail.
As we finished,
and Abba was about the leave the room, I mentioned in an offhanded tone
“Oh, Abba, I think after the wedding in Dubai, it would be good for
your people in Jada to welcome your new wife to Nigeria. What do you
think?”
Inside my
heart, I smiled. Just like they had me a day earlier, I had had him too.
He could not argue that it wasn’t proper for his extended family and
town to meet his new wife. Of course he knew that would be the event
where all my family, friends and associates will be invited.
The Nigerian
parent in me smiled. Even in the age of family democracy, we have
learned to adapt. So all family and friends are welcome to Jada, to
witness the marriage reception of my son, and his beautiful wife.culled from Atiku's website
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